Published in The Crow’s Quill, by Quill & Crow Publishing House, “Tragicomedies” issue

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Recorded and transcribed by Pam Sanchez, English dept. secretary, August 23, 2023, English Department Faculty Lounge and Meeting Room

Faculty Members Present:

Dr. Wilson (dept. chair, Brit Lit, Shakespearean Lit)

Dr. Lipinski (Arthurian Lit, Chaucer)

Professor Morgan (union rep, American Lit)

Dr. Ahmad (World Lit, Contemporary Drama, Screenwriting)

Professor Romero (Film & Lit, capt. of faculty ultimate frisbee team)

Professor Greene (English Ed, Adolescent Lit)

Professor Kirst (Genre Lit, Digital Writing)

Dr. Steiner (Victorian Lit, Major Authors)

Dr. Saunders (Writing for the Professions, African American Lit)

Four new faculty members (names unknown)

10:02: Meeting opens

Dr. Wilson: Alright, everyone! I hope your summers were enjoyable and you’re revved up for another great semester here at Hepwell! I know we’re all excited about the months of scholarship to come, but let’s settle in so we can get through the agenda before our noon break, when FSA will be providing us with a cheese and fruit platter. Yum! Now, does everyone have a copy? Item one—

Dr. Lipinski: Dr. Wilson, are we really not going to address the folks groaning in the back of the room first? I mean, come on, no one here has failed to—

Dr. Wilson: Of course we will! See line 6b. Let’s go in order though, hmm? Now then, item one please. Old business.

Professor Morgan: I agree with Lipinski; I really think we need—

Dr. Wilson: As I said, in time. Item one. The summer phone-a-thon brought in twelve new English majors and two English Ed majors, so brava, volunteers! You did a wonderful job talking up our programs here at Hepwell! I overheard several of you mentioning our new vending machines, as well as our—

Professor Morgan: Look, Dr. Wilson, I respect procedure, but I think we need to discuss agenda item 6b now.

Dr. Ahmad: Yes! And can we address the smell? At least open a window!

Dr. Wilson: No need to be rude to our newest team members, Dr. Ahmad! Also please remember this room is temperature controlled and we do not have access to the thermostat nor do we have administrative permission to open windows. If necessary, we can discuss asking for those stipulations to change at our next department meeting. For now, breathe shallowly.

[Individuals in back of room groan]

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To continue reading, open this link and go to page 26!